Updated: Apr 6, 2020
This is the end of life as we know it. For the first time in our lives, we are required to sit with ourselves and delve into introspection. Three weeks into quarantine, you may start to wonder, is it even possible that our lives will return to "normal"?
As we mourn the death of our structured, busy lifestyles- where we had the freedom to seek distraction with external reach. This space where resistance to stepping into our power speaks loudly, but can easily be tuned out. We get to adapt to life in a completely new way, where every single human in the world is tuning into a new sense of awareness. Washing our hands, wearing our mask and maintaining 6 ft of distance. We are experiencing waves of emotion more potent than anything we've ever lived through, responding to transformation that is happening on a global level.
For me, the wave of legitimacy hit on March 14th. I took a ride to Denver to celebrate the 30th birthday of a woman I met in Alaska, who has been a sister to me for a decade now. On my way out, I stopped at Trader Joe's, as I always do in Denver. I had just invested in some wireless bluetooth headphones with the anticipation that we, as a society would be using our computers a lot more in the days to come.
Turns out, I was right.
Before I entered the store, my heart started beating rapidly. It took me 20 minutes to park, and there were lots of people shopping. I could feel the panic of the people around me. Acknowledging my sensitivity to the environment, headphones in, I was able to dance my way out of my anxiety. I chose to unravel this experience as an opportunity to socially experiment. After witnessing some bizarre behavior, standing in line to check out, I prayed for the woman in front of me with her hand on her head and fear in her eyes. Hands in prayer, breath audible, I started dancing in a pretty big way. People were looking over, and I know my movement and breath took them out of their heads for a moment. That's when I knew, that it is now more important than ever for me to step into leadership.
My first wave of grief that resulted from the implications of the virus, happened about a week later. I found myself day dreaming about what "I was supposed to be doing" since the influence of COVID-19 came into my life. I was crying on the phone with my Grandmother. I had really looked forward to celebrating St.Patricks day, honoring my heritage, pouring whiskey drinks at the Distillery. I had plans to travel to Costa Rica with my dearest friend for healing work and jungle adventures, and returning to New York to be close with my family. Now's the time to be booking concerts and festivals for the summer and planning my next collaboration. The list of things that were "supposed to happen" goes on.
Prior to breaking down, with a strong presence to the shifts happening around me and within me- I felt extremely inspired and intrigued by our behavior as a collective, and this global shift in whole. The earth is healing, people are turning inward and realizing what's important to them, we are being driven to innovate and invent new ways of connection and development, artists are painting/ drawing/ dancing, yogis are meditating, we're getting creative as a collective- and THIS IS BIG.
In between these moments of despair, I find myself reaching out to distant friends, getting rid of what no longer serves me, practicing yoga and meditation, cooking creative meals, biking around and getting fresh air, writing without judgment, and truly tapping into my authentic being. I have released all stress and worry around my financial circumstance, and my desire to do anything outside of myself. I feel peace and excitement, faced with the challenge to fine tune my self discipline skills with the influence of social distancing and quarantine encouraging us to do so. I find myself creating routine from morning to night in a space where my kitchen is my sleeping quarters is my office space is my studio- inspired by creativity, spiritual practice, connection, and LOVE. Each day, my attachment to external circumstance slipping away.
I've observed, that every single person, wherever they are in the world, has gone through their own timeline of experiencing the legitimacy of this virus and it's effect on their lives. I think it's now safe to say that we are all mourning the death of life as we know it in one way or another. We all have lived with pain and sorrow, but when we're leading our busy lives- it's easy to set this aside.
Now, in a way we never have before- we have the space to grieve. We get to question if the relationships we have been showing up for are contributing to filling our cup of satisfaction. To contemplate how opportunity in community has contributed to our growth. We get to practice boundaries in the realm of partying and "hanging out", and experience life outside of being "faded". Without distraction, we have space to settle into our deep values, acknowledge resistance and get curious about who we are, and what we are here for.
This brings me to what I am here for:
I'm here to hold space for others while they grieve their former lives. To support my community through transformation and growth. To maintain my grounded spirit, and practice using my voice. To share my story through photography and writing. To dive into apprenticeship with healers who fly at higher vibrations. To break through the shadow that creeps in from time to time, and befriend the parts of me that I tend to shy away from. To continue my journey of entrepreneurship fiercely and fearlessly. To flow like water, with grace and ease. To see and be seen. And to lead from the humble place of knowing that everything is just as it's meant to be.
"In the rush to return to normal,
use this time to consider which parts of normal are worth rushing back to." - Dave Hollis
Get curious, get creative, and lead to the best of your ability from a space of LOVE.
We are all in this together.